But Do They Like Me

 For as long as I can remember I've had one instinct that has stood out more so than others. It wasn't to do right, it wasn't to do things my way, it wasn't even to be happy.

All I wanted was to be liked.

Not loved, just liked.  Approved of, one of the cool kids, as they say.  If I stood out or felt too different from those around me I became incredibly insecure.  When skinny jeans became the "in" thing, you bet I wanted a pair.  If I didn't know the latest and greatest songs on the radio that my friends knew by heart, I felt left out.  For years I've struggled with this lack of confidence all stemming from the desire to be liked by others.  And it's brought me to a bit of a miserable state, to say the least.  It's too much of a burden, always caring what goes on in the heads of other people.  Especially when you know in your heart, this isn't who you want to be.  Deep down I longed to be able to desire only the approval of Our Lord, but I couldn't overcome the temptations that had been guiding my actions for so long.  I fell into a habit of being nervous and anxious everywhere I went, which, if you've ever experienced anxiety, you know can be extremely exhausting.  Keeping up with the tiny voice in your head saying, "you're not good enough to be liked," just wasn't an option anymore.

So I decided to do something about it.

I can't take complete credit for my solution, a friend actually pushed me along for a while before I could accept it myself.  But ultimately it came down to this:

I learned to not care and to love being different.

Super simple. ;)

We've heard this how many times before; it doesn't matter what other people think, you shouldn't care about it, you don't need their approval...

I would say that's wrong, and here's why.

Hearing phrases like this ultimately tells us that we won't be liked if we're different.  For example, oh, you shouldn't care if people don't understand why you wear a skirt instead of pants, they don't need to like your decision to be modest, do it anyway.

Um...yeah that's not true.

I guarantee you, if you choose to go about your day as the princess and God-fearing young woman you are, most people will be inspired.  It will give them a reason to think, and to recognize that, oh, she makes this look good.

In a world that frowns upon virtue, you can go out and show them there is beauty to be found in living a Holy life and that it is attractive.  Your genuine smile that exudes confidence is attractive.  Be yourself, and others will come to realize that the things that make you different are the things that make you shine.

It's never a bad thing to be different from the rest of the world.  It's not easy, especially if your friends are part of that.  But this is your opportunity to show them what makes you the person you are.

I issue you a challenge, one that you can complete on your own time.

• Next time you feel like you need to fit in, do something that makes you stand out.
• If you feel like wearing dark-colored clothes so as not to attract attention, wear a brightly colored shirt.
• If your workplace allows, wear a skirt to your next shift, or ask your manager if there's an option for you to wear one.
• If you feel like you need to wear makeup, don't wear any at all.
• If you hear a friend or coworker speaking ill of your faith or of God in any way, speak up and tell them it's not ok.

I promise I'm not asking you to do anything that I haven't already done.  These are all things I struggled to do for years.  But the more I did them, the more I found I didn't have that tiny, negative voice in my head.  I became confident to a point where I can now leave my house in a mood of carefree happiness that I didn't even know was possible to have.  I knew I had a desire to live differently, to be set apart from the ordinary world.  The more I thought about it, the more I began to love that desire, and the ideas of how I could live that life.  And of course, it's much easier to do something you love.  In fact, we're happier doing the things we love, and the happier we are, the more others want to be around us and to be like us.

Yes, it works both ways.  You can be the example others need to live a life of virtue themselves.

So care what others think of you.  Understand that you will be noticed, and you should be noticed.  You can make a difference for the better by following your heart to please God above the world.  Don't care that you're different: embrace it.  Love the fact that you won't be swayed by the lesser desires and the baseness that surrounds you.  In the end, your confidence, virtue, and love will be the things that others are attracted to the most.  And yes, you will be liked.